Zombies in Cambodia

[StormSeeker]

So apparently zombies are alive and well, and living in Cambodia: http://65.127.124.62/south_asia/4483241.stm.htm

No, really.

[Ogre]

Damn, I need to get me some of that virus...

[Skadu]

...

[FireEssence]

That's hilarious. If only something like that could get unleashed in the White House... *cough* Uh I mean...

[GodOfBiscuits]

So apparently zombies are alive and well, and living in Cambodia: http://65.127.124.62/south_asia/4483241.stm.htm

No, really.

Sadly, 'tis a hoax.

[StormSeeker]

I should hope so

But it was amusing to read, even if it was printed on April 1st. Except for the fact that the writer used the wrong version of "its". And I'm not sure what's worse - that he did, or that I noticed it >.<

[anonymous1224]

Hey I just heard something about zombies breaking out in Pennsylvania, near Pittsburgh. Is this true? I saw this on my local ABC station in Washington DC. Something about a zombie wandering around in Pittsburgh and attacking a couple. I know this Cambodia thing is a hoax, but is this another copy-cat thing or something serious?

[zombielover]

THEY"RE HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The valley news gave report of a zombie found in pittsburgh. A couple reported that a strange person was attacking them, later it was confirmed that it was in fact a zombie. Other outbreaks of this strange condition are poping up all over western PA. Is the end really here? Is god really angry with us? Did hell really fill up?

[Officer Tobby Blawe]

Citizens of America beware. It's true there really are ZOMBIES IN AMERICA! The Cambodian zombie outbreak was transferred to america from a basket of fruit from cambodia. Out breaks are occuring all of the western US. RUN, HIDE, GET A GUN. This is not a fake message, i promise.

[Strider]

::blinks::

[Officer Tobby Blawe]

As you can probably tell by your local news, the higher ups have decided to keep this information from the general public. However, I can tell you that we are currently undergoing Extranormal Affairs Procedure (EAP). Keep careful notice during your news programs, keep an ear open for when your newscaster uses three words where the first letters are E, A, and P. (Such as "Everday American People") This is a code system designed to keep track of the everchanging information. I do not know the full code. I will report back, as I am to visit Wichita tomorrow to investigate what appears to be the source of the outbreak. I hope you gentlemen will post any information you discover. Thank you.

[Strider]

And here I thought I was the parinoid conspiracy theorist.

[StormSeeker]

I'm surprised the Department of Extranormal Operations (DEO) aren't handling this. Although maybe they're the "higher ups" he mentions.

[Officer Tobby Blawe]

UPDATE: The plague is seemingly over. All zombies have reverted to their deceased state. We are currently working on discovering the source. We believe it to be a virus spread by insects, although we are still not sure how it could spread in certain U.S. climates. No matter. As to the questions of the DEO, that is merely a fictional organization. The "higher-ups" are so high that, pardon the pun, I can't even see them. As an aside to the averted zombie fiasco, did you know that Night of the Living Dead was a documentary at first? When certain people found out about George Romero's plan they paid him an exorbinate amount of money to keep the story to himself, exagerate the facts, and make a movie. Interesting, huh? I will keep you updated on the zombie autopsies.

[Officer Tobby Blawe]

UPDATE: The first zombie autopsy has been performed. The results should be made available tomorrow. Interestingly enough, the zombie was not completely "dead" so to speak. It sat up and let out a bizarre scream, then latched on to my arm. Do not worry though, I wasn't bit. It just clawed into me, but I was sure to clean it out and bandage it up. I am no medical expert, but I could tell the anatomy of these creatures was not normal. Some organs had been decaying rapidly, while others were in perfect working order. Also, the man who became this zombie had been a smoker, yet his lungs were as pink as a newborn's. We are currently trying to "reverse-engineer", so to speak, this zombie plague to act as a healing tool. I will keep you updated tomorrow, as I head to Pittsburgh.